Marta Ketro on how men leave us


Men quite often find themselves in a delicate situation, when at first they act as the initiators of relationships, and then abruptly lose interest in the object. I took a closer look, listened to the policy statements or met someone prettier, but suddenly realized that this fairy tale should end before it really began.

There are happy people who know how to say bluntly: I’m sorry, we won’t succeed, I changed my mind. But there are only a few such brave men, the rest have to get out. Men have several standard patterns of behavior that allow you to get out of the situation without losing face. More precisely, it seems to them that they do not lose it and arrange the matter as painlessly and sweetly as possible.

In the first place in popularity is the model «I’m not worth you.» This is when they use the phrases “You are too good for me”, “You need another person, I’m not suitable”, “Sorry, I have too many problems that I have to deal with alone.” A woman in love tends to consider this as self-doubt and usually rushes to argue: no, no, you are very suitable, you are the best, we will succeed! Refuses any claims, puts up with uncomfortable relationships and «accepts him as he is.» “I feel that you don’t love me”, “I’m not your soul mate” also works poorly, because a woman rushes to prove that she loves, loves and is ready for anything. Even in the game “Drop me yourself”, when a man becomes deliberately unbearable, there are those who want to swallow insults and endure.

If, with such a strategy, one still manages to escape, the lady is left with a bitter feeling that she did not cope — she did not explain, did not convince, she was not understood. It is not known how bitter it will be to hear an honest “I don’t like you” or to think that a tragic mistake has occurred.

Fearing to say too much, men often prefer to merge quietly — I call this the Cheshire way, when the object slowly dissolves while maintaining a friendly smile. The person gradually turns off his presence in your life. Less and less personal correspondence, SMS, fewer meetings. At the same time, visible social activity remains the same: puts likes, draws emoticons in comments. «Honey, I’m with you, I’m not hiding, just very, very busy.» After a date, the next date is not set: “let’s call”, “we’ll write to you next month”, “thanks for the meeting, good luck”.

If a woman refuses to understand what is happening and demands specifics, she is promised a meeting, but canceled at the last moment. Suddenly urgent work, unforeseen circumstances or extreme fatigue. All this is served with sincere regret, apologies and a warm smile, so it is very important here not to be ready to admit it, but to look at the calendar and figure out when you last saw each other. Three weeks, a month? Alas, there is no male passion that is so patient, you are wasting your time.

Sometimes a man decides to keep you, but in a new capacity — to cool down and move you to the friend zone. At first, he noticeably withdraws, ceases to be interested in your affairs and mood, congratulates you on your birthday after a couple of days, no longer gets involved in light conversations and flirting. But if you declare a serious problem, he will try to show up and help, purely humanly, and then move away again. Over time, you will begin to communicate more often, but without a hint of playfulness.

It should be understood that a banner has been hung out in front of you “To be friends — yes, but so — no”, and it depends on you how to deal with this. You should not hope that you will make friends a little, and then he will still appreciate your sexuality and fall in love. This can and does happen, but the risk is too great to sit in ambush for months, pretending to be a good friend and rejecting other gentlemen. Only agree if you are really ready. After all, there are far fewer good friends in the world than good lovers.

When you notice that you are being leaked in one way or another, you can behave in different ways. Spit and leave, try to play, talk about it honestly and openly. The main thing is not to get involved seriously, spending too much time, emotions and effort on the situation. You just didn’t succeed in the planned relationship, there is no need to try to fix and mend the cobweb, the sprawling silk stocking. It’s a pity, of course, but it’s easier to throw it away and look for a new pair.


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